


On The Brink of Insanity

by WriterJunkie



Category: Morning Musume.
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-26
Updated: 2015-01-26
Packaged: 2018-03-09 04:49:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,849
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3236870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WriterJunkie/pseuds/WriterJunkie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Trying to work through a recent rough patch in her relationship with Risa, Ai has yet to come to terms with the end result of her once long lasting relationship with the woman she was sure to spend the end of her days with</p>
            </blockquote>





	On The Brink of Insanity

Title: On The Brink of Insanity

WARNING: Character death!

I bet you’re wondering why I’m here, right? Well…to tell you the truth I don’t think I belong here in the first place. I don’t belong cooped up like some rabid dog. I don’t belong in a small room that I can barely move in and I don’t belong locked inside left to stare at white tile walls and flooring for the rest of my life either! 

Because between you and I…I’m damn near normal. No…I’m not near. I am! I’m normal! What’s a matter? 

Why are you so scared? I won’t hurt you. Come back and join me.

All right…I’ll take a seat. Sorry about that…I guess I kind of just lost my temper. Yes, my temper and not my sanity. Then again you type of people don’t think I’m sane and neither do my parents, or those damn police who can’t learn to come on time to a crime scene! 

But who are all those people to judge me?! Who’s to say…what’s normal? Or...what’s completely crazy and worth losing your mind after a traumatic event? You know…don’t answer that. 

I’m not here to have my questions answered. And you’re only here to evaluate me. Or something like that, right? What’s that? Oh, you’re here to hear my story is that it? 

Well, listen right now, will you? I think its way too late for someone to sit and talk with me. 

Well…if you insist. Ah, I don’t know where to start. What exactly do you want to hear, doc? 

You don’t mind me calling you that do you? OK, good. Let me see…my psychologist always tells me to talk about how I got in this state, so I think I’ll start my story there for you. 

It’s all I got. I hope you don’t mind. It started when I was in my third year of college.

***

“You and Gaki-san are still fighting?”

I look up from my bowl of rice and stare at Eri from across the lounge table. Reina is next to her giving me a concerned look too. I push my rice around the bowl subconsciously. 

“Last night we couldn’t talk without yelling to each other. Then I had to sleep on the couch. I never noticed how uncomfortable it was.” I sigh and sink into my seat

Things between Risa and I are worse. We can’t talk to each other or even look at one another. I don’t get why she’s so bitchy. What have I done wrong again to get the silent treatment? Her birthday didn’t pass and our anniversary isn’t until another month. I don’t get her! Maybe we’re changing. Things aren’t working out so maybe that means we should…

“Don’t give up just yet.” Reina cuts in

I blink and focus my attention back on to my two friends. I almost forgot they were here because I’m so deep in thought. I nod and put on a tiny smile then go back to sulking in my rice. How can I get on Risa’s good side without setting a quarrel off? That’s tricky.

“You’ll be ok Ai-chan. I mean look at Sayu and Koharu. She drives Sayu up the wall more than you can imagine and they’re still together. Just don’t take it out on yourself like rip your hair.” Eri suggests

“Or your eyebrow.” Reina chuckles

I give out a little snort and put my chopsticks down. I sigh and hit my head against the table. I rub the back of my head furiously. I let out an aggravated cry. This sucks. Everything was going fine, but we had to hit this ditch and I just can’t seem to get out of it. How can I make this work again?!

“Ai-chan, if you think harder you’re head will explode.” Eri giggles

I pick up my head and pat down any hair my hand ruffled. I run a hand down my tired face and exhale. I hate this so much.

“Hey guys!”

“Koharu shouldn’t you be with Sayu to help move her things into your house?” Reina asks warily. 

Koharu takes a seat next to me, flashing her perky smile. I wish I can smile too, but things are getting harder to keep my smile from staying. Koharu frowns and scratches the back of her head to think.

“Yeahhhh…in a minute. I saw you three here and I thought I should check on the Takagaki drama.”

I turn to her and raise my brow. “You gave us a name?”

“Yep, I also gave Eri and Reina one and Sayu and I.” She admits, proudly

She’s a strange girl. I shake my head and look back towards my hands.

“So how is it?”

“Bad.” I grumble

“Well…you know you could just go up to Risa and beg for her to forgive you and put on your best puppy dog eyes.” She offers

There’s no way that will work. I chuckle at the suggestion. I look back at her. She seems serious about doing it too.

“Why? Has it worked for you with Sayu?”

“I’m about to find out.” She jumps out of her seat

“Did you over sleep again?” Eri asks, slightly annoyed

“Yep, I didn’t mean it though!” She cries

Reina laughs. “Good luck trying to avoid that. You better go before she gets too angry.”

“I’m confident she can not resist my Koha charm! But I really have to go. Ai-chan, a simple I’m sorry can work too you know. Bye!” Koharu waves her goodbye then runs out the lounge, quickly.

I stand up and leave my stone cold rice at the table. I’m not hungry anymore.

“I’ll just go home. I’ll see you both tomorrow.” I say

“Ok, see you later, Ai.” Eri sadly agrees

I walk out the door and my face looks down towards my feet as I walk. Should I really consider Koharu’s idea? Or maybe Reina and Eri’s? I’m so desperate I’ll take anything right about now. But at the same time I want to make sure it’s the right choice. Whatever I’m done thinking. My head is starting to hurt. But things don’t end there. Along the walk to our house I just so happen to run into Risa. I feel nervous and unsure. We stand off to the side to talk, but I have no idea what to say. I tuck my hands into my jacket pockets and look anywhere, but her. I scratch the back of my neck.

“Um…hi?” I whisper, “Are you…going somewhere?”

“I’m going shopping. I’ll be back late.”

“Oh…ok I’ll just…be home sleeping or doing homework.” I look at her and sigh. Her face looks like she’s waiting for me to say something. I don’t know what. “Be careful ok?”

“I have my cell. If you worry just call me.”

“I will.”

We go quiet again and she goes to leave.

“Risa.” She turns around

I go up to her and put a hand on her, timidly. And I’m not sure if I should kiss her or not. I just go in and place a light and quick peck on her lips then let her go. Even kissing her feels like I’m doing something wrong.

“Hurry home.”

She smiles and I nod at her. Then we go our separate ways. I’m an idiot. We keep drifting apart, but I don’t know how to get us back together. I don’t understand how this could have happened. I don’t think I’ll go home. I’ll have a few drinks first.

***

I didn’t come home until twelve that night. I’m not drunk just a little tipsy. I did a lot of deep thinking rather than drinking. I did sulk a little too. I find my way back easily on the walk. I could have got a cab, but walking helps me cool down sometimes. By the time I reach the apartment and get to my apartment door I realize something is wrong. I open the door and something just doesn’t feel right. There’s this intense and eerie feeling in the air. I flick on the living room light, but no light goes on. I’m still in total darkness. I don’t remember it being like that. The light bulb couldn’t have gone out. I changed it this morning. It’s still fresh. What’s going on? Taking a gulp of cool air, I quietly step inside and close the door. Someone has to be here. I can barely see. As I walk I stick out my arms to feel around me.

“Risa?”

There’s no reply. She has to be home. The malls don’t stay open this late. And she always sticks to her word. Things are getting fishier. If she isn’t here, where is she?

“Risa, where are you?”

The kitchen light goes on, suddenly. That has to be her…right? I’ll have to go see. Slowly, I walk towards the dim yellow light. She must be there. Who else would be here?

“Risa, this isn’t funny.” I scold

What am I doing? I shouldn’t be yelling at her. I should be making things right. I go over my thoughts I had at the bar. Time to put them into use.

“Risa look…I’m sorry…about everything. I don’t like arguing with you and I don’t want you to feel that I hate you because I don’t. I love you…so much and I…I want to make everything ok again, alright?”

She still isn’t saying anything. What’s wrong with her? Is she that angry? I take a few more steps into the kitchen and what I see I never would have expected. It throws me completely off guard. Risa’s tied to a chair with duct tape stuck to her mouth. She has a few bruises on her face and her hair is disheveled. I stare at her frozen in fear. I have no idea what to do. She looks at me with tears in her eyes, begging me to get her out of here. I still can’t keep up to react though. She looks behind me and tries to scream pass the tape to tell me something, but it’s too late. I feel something heavy and hard strike the back of my head. I fall flat to the ground. My head burns in extreme pain. I roll on to my back to see what it is that hit me. A tall and bulky man stands over me with black sinister eyes. He smiles menacingly at me. He lifts up a wooden bat to hit me again. I’m in too much agony to move and he thrusts the bat down, hitting me in the face and everything goes black.

***

What’s going on? Where…am I? I can’t tell. The pain blocks out my ability to think or move. It’s dark. Hold on a second. I open my eyes just a little and it makes my head throb like sharp needles are stabbing it over and over. I close my eyes and it stops a little. I have to know here I am. I brace myself to face the light again. My muscles go tight and quickly I open my eyes, and then look around me. This is my kitchen. Am I alone? I have to get out of here. I need to get help. I go to run out, but I find myself stuck in place. Then I see why, I’m in a chair tied down with a rope from my torso to my legs. Risa! Where’s Risa?! I have to get her!

“Ai.”

I turn my head around so fast my neck cracks. Across from me to the right Risa is tied to a chair too and her face is decorated badly with cuts and blood. Some look fresh others are crusted with dry blood. Was she like this when I was gone?! I feel my stomach turn. Who knows what he was doing to her while I was away! And the thought of not coming here soon enough to save her kills me inside.

“Are you ok?” she asks

She always looks after others first rather than herself and even in this situation she sticks up to that. I need to get us out of here. I thrash around in my chair, hoping it would break something to set me free. It’s pointless. I slump forward tired. There’s no way we can leave. We’re stuck.

“Risa I…I’m sorry.”

If we’re going to die I might as well tell her what I need to. I need to make amends between us.

“I…you mean the world to me and…and,”

“I know Ai. I forgive you.” She speaks so comforting to me

I can tell in her voice she’s scared and she’s smart enough to know it’s the end for us. But we both won’t to tell each other that. I start to cry. I don’t care who hears me. I weep and I let my defenses go down.

“We have to get out of here!” I scream through my tears “This can’t…I have so much I still want to do with you! So many things to tell you!”

I lift up my head and see a single tear trickle down Risa’s face. She looks at me with despair, but she still keeps her smile. And though her smile may seem lively and cheery, it’s true meaning behind it is broken and hopeless. Streams of tears fall down her perfect face, but there’s still no sound. There’s nothing.

“I’m not giving up! I’m not going to let him touch you! You hear me?! I’ll protect you.” I scream

I move around violently, desperate to break free to comfort Risa and run to safety. I groan and scream out as I move. They’re yells of frustration. And no matter how much I try to escape I’m getting nowhere. I feel like a mouse stuck in those sticky mousetraps. I can scream and move all I want, but I’m not going anywhere any time soon.

“Ai!”

I look into Risa’s honey brown eyes and stop moving. I put my hands down to my sides. She’s right. It’s useless. This is ALL useless!

“I’m sorry.” I sputter,panting heavily. The crying has caused my breath to become uneven. “I’m sorry I can't protect you. I can’t save you.”

And I finally accept that cruel fact and it pains me. From the darkness the tall man I saw before enters the kitchen. He stills has that smile on his face. But this time it’s much bigger. He’s excited. The sick bastard! He better not touch her or he’s dead! He looks at me then back at Risa and walks over to her. I move forward in my seat.

“Don’t you touch her! I swear to god I’ll kill you if you do!” I threaten

He laughs and strolls closer to her. Risa whimpers and closes her eyes. I watch him with such hatred. His thick greasy hands go on her shoulder and she jumps. Then he cups her cheek, softly.

“Leave her alone damn it! Stop it!”

He spins around, angrily and pulls something from his back pocket. It’s a roll of silver duct tape. He gets a long piece and puts it on my mouth, then does the same to Risa. He goes back to her with a wolfish look on his face. He’s staring at her like she’s some type of meat. He parts her legs wide and slides his hand down her thigh. He pushes her skirt up and chuckles. No…ah this bastard! No! I hear Risa muffled screams from behind the tape and I close my eyes. But I can still hear it. I can still her the things he’s doing to her. I’ll never forget those sounds. They’re stuck in my head forever.

***

For hours I hear this! I had to…see what he was doing to her. And each time it felt like something inside me was dying. It was like my insides were getting pulled apart. I couldn’t take it. This was something far worse than death. 

Then hours later when day was slowly creeping pass the dark, he cut Risa free. He pulls her out of the kitchen and into the bathroom. I’m not sure what he’s going to do, but I think I’m next. 

He comes back shortly and cuts me free then takes me to the bathroom too. I think I know why he’s brought us here. He’s going to kill us. He throws me in and I fall a few inches away from Risa. I quickly get up and face him. 

I’m not scared of him. In fact, I’m enraged. I want to make him pay for those things he did to Risa. He stand in the door way and pulls out a knife from his pocket. 

Risa lets out a scream and that’s my fuel to give me my courage. I grab whatever I can and throw it at him. I pick up a hair dryer and toss it. It hits him in the head, blinding him and I rush over, tackling him to the ground.

“Go Risa, run!” I scream

She rushes out. I follow after her, but she grabs my foot, sending me to the floor with him. I turn around and try to shake him off. He picks up his knife to try and cut me.

“Get off me!”

“Ai!”

Risa comes back and starts kicking him. She stomps on his hand several times until he lets go. I scramble to my feet and pull Risa with me. I get to the door and undo the lock. I didn’t expect him to be up so quick.

“Ai, look out!”

Before I can see what’s going on, Risa pushes me out of the way and I fall over. I look back and see this large knife sticking into her side. From where it is I’m sure it punctured a lung or maybe her heart. She falls down to the ground, too weak to stay up.

“No!”

The guy runs out the door, but I don’t bother to chase him. My eyes are transfixed on the girl before me. I crawl to Risa’s side and stroke her face. She’s breathing heavily. She’s surrounded by so much blood it’s everywhere. I’ve never seen this much blood before. She coughs a few times to try and stay up. I start to cry and hold her close to my chest. I can’t think. This isn’t real. A part of me thinks this is all a dream that I’ll wake up and she’s ok. And she doesn’t have that knife into her side. I’ve shut down.

“Risa! Risa please don’t…I love you…please don’t leave me!” 

I dip down to give her one last kiss. Her mouth taste like blood and I can feel how quickly she’s slipping. Her hand cups my cheek. I end our kiss and look into her dull eyes. The life dwindling inside them is slipping. She smiles at me. I cry harder.

“I love you, Ai.” She wheezes

I hold her hand and watch her. She keeps smiling at me to try and tell me not to worry, but I know she’s afraid too and in a lot of pain. A single tear slides down her cheek and I brush it away.

“Close your eyes. It’ll be over soon.”

“I’m scared Ai.” She admits

I try to control myself. I have to keep it together. She needs me right now. I need to show her everything will be fine even if it’s not the truth. I’ll lie to her to make her feel better. Just for right now.

“I know. I am too. Rest.”

She closes her eyes and I feel her heart slowly come to a stop.

“We’ll meet again. I promise.”

I place one last kiss to her warm lips and she sinks into my arms, lifeless. And only then do I cry. I scream out in both rage and agony and I don’t care who hears me. I cry until I can’t cry anymore. My yelling draws attention to the neighbors finally and it makes me wonder where the hell where they when all of this was going on?! 

Couldn’t they have called the police sooner?! Then Risa wouldn’t have been dead. Pretty soon the cops are here. And I know having them find me here covered in Risa blood isn’t looking very good for me. 

I’ll be the main suspect. When they get here I don’t allow them to touch her. I even use the knife that killed Risa to get them away. I lash at them each time they try to get too close. 

I don’t care where I cut them as long as they get away and leave me with her. I know if I let them take come close they’ll take her and I won’t be able to see her again. I don’t want that. 

I want to die beside her in peace. I want to die and I don’t care how I get it. They can shoot me all they want. They would be doing me a favor. And after that I…lost it. I haven’t been the same.

***

So, now you see my side of the story. Believe it if you want. I don’t really care if you think I’m crazy too. Join the club. 

I still don’t get why you came to me to hear my story. You must be a really bored man to sit with me. I’m glad I can entertain you with my troubled life. What is this some type of drama for you sick enjoyment?! 

Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell. I’m fine now. I hate it here you know? Everyone treats me different and they say I’m…unstable. But hey maybe I am. 

I mean I did try to kill myself a few times while staying here. Now the nurses watch me like some little lab rat. They treat me like some child. I hate that too. I’m twenty-two for crying out loud! 

But I suppose they have their reasons. I’ll let you in on a little secret. The reason why I tried to kill myself is because I can see her. I can see Risa and she’s calling me. She’s telling me to come with her. 

She wants me be with her. To finally meet her like I’ve promised. I hear her sometimes too you know. She tells me things. 

Yeah, you can look at me that way if you want. Maybe I am crazy after all. But I don’t plan on leaving this place any time soon. I think I’m stuck here. This is my own prison. 

I’ll just go back to my room now. I have no point in staying here any longer now that my story is told. I still think one day I’ll meet her. And when I do I’ll be the happiest person in the world.


End file.
